I don’t belong

I don’t belong,
Not here,
Least not near,
I’m different,
Think,
Act,
Am different,
There’s a line,
I’m so far over it,
There was a point I did,
Fit in,
Belong,
That point, the line,
Long since erased,
Could I return,
To normality,
Do I want to be normal,
No,
Boring, mundane, predictable,
I just don’t want to be,
Different, odd, a freak,
That sense of being lost,
Lonely,
Alone,
Never goes away,
I look inward,
See a dying heart,
A lost, sorry, soul,
My reflection on inspection hides the truth,
I look well,
Oh well,
What does the mirror know,
Poor show,
I stand like the proverbial weed in the concrete,
Nobody is quite sure how,
I can’t understand why,
A life in a cold grey world,
But I’m still there,
Two fingers to normality,
I may not be alive,
But I ain’t dead.
I don’t belong.

Temptation

I stand, or queue, whichever I do it wearily,

Wishing I was elsewhere, anywhere, nowhere,

Or least in a different queue,

I picked the big, chatty, till controller, why?!

She’s now talking, engaging, spending my time,

My time, non refundable,

Costs the store nothing for me to stand and wait,

Costs them to employ more till staff,

Damn economics,

Damn time,

Damn everyone,

Then, eyes drawn down,

Treats, sweets, fun n gum,

Could I get away with just pocketing,

Just once,

Nobody is watching,

Everybody is watching,

For 56 pence I would risk it all,

For that moment,

Do I want to get away with it,

Rather I get caught,

Least then someone would listen,

The thought passes,

The till lady starts the same conversation with me,

Just go away,

Me or her, just go,

Normality’s curtains close,

I am drowned in another day,

‘Til next time,

Temptation calls.